There is a sticker with a QR code on the table. You know, one of those chessboards for drunk people. It says “Order here”. In English, even though all I hear around me is fluent Antwerp dialect. The days of “In Flanders, Flemish!” are long gone.
Fascinated as I am by new technologies, I tap the camera icon on my phone screen and, with another tap, a different image appears. Here, I am welcomed by the establishment in Dutch: ‘Ordering has never been easier.’
In small letters, it says that the big advantage of this system is that I can continue to enjoy my company undisturbed while they complete my order. For the time being, that company consists of an old pigeon pecking at the remains of a coffee biscuit that a previous customer has only half eaten. But speaking of biscuits, I first have to click somewhere to confirm that I agree to something that could improve my experience, albeit at the expense of a small invasion of my privacy. I agree to everything because I’m thirsty, and a “start order” button appears.
First, I have to choose between hot drinks, wines, beers, soft drinks and all sorts of other things before I get to the tea, which has another arrow next to it to choose the flavour. I know from experience that I now have to add it to the shopping basket, and when I click on it, a message appears with good news: ‘Last step!
I don’t know what that last step entails. There is no button to click on. A friendly girl at the table next to me points out that I have to scroll down. At the bottom, out of sight, there is a “pay” button.
I press it, but red text appears to inform me that I have not yet agreed to the terms and conditions. I then have to choose between the payment methods and, after filling in my name, my card number, my address, my birth certificate and proof of good behaviour and morals, red text appears again, this time in English. ‘Login Failure’. I have to try again, and if that doesn’t work, choose another payment method.
“Is it working, sir?”
I can’t believe my ears and my eyes. Next to me is a waiter. A real waiter. I ask if I can have a cup of Earl Grey.
“Yes, you can.”
Ordering has never been so easy.
Guillaume Van der Stighelen became known as an advertising executive and co-founder of international advertising agency Duval Guillaume. He is the author of several books, created a television series about the American elections, and writes high-profile columns. This contribution first appeared in the Gazet van Antwerpen.
